Just now, a coworker of mine was talking about some fellow named Jim Lemma. When this coworker was done with whatever tirade he was going on with (I didn’t pay much attention), I said the following: “Yeah, I’ve never liked Mr. Lemma very much. He never justifies himself, so you have to take everything he says on faith.” Of the three engineers present, not counting myself, none laughed, and only one even got it in the first place.

Some people just don’t know a good joke when they hear it.

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I complain constantly about people overusing specific portions of the English language, as you well know by now. For example, I make it a point, an imperative, if you will, to chastise any man or woman who uses the word basically in my presence, as the word is abused so badly that its enunciation often causes me to fear for my language’s integrity. I won’t rejustify my stance on the use of this once noble word; I’ll simply ask that you read the Purge for March 3rd, 2005, bullet 10. I apologize if the writing in that Purge comes off as crude. You are aware, I am sure, that I am a much better man today.

Anyway (and anyway is another oft-mishandled term), I bring this up again because I have come across yet another cause of vernacular fatigue for me: the phrase “launch an investigation”.

A child is missing. “We have launched an investigation.” A finger appears in someone’s sandwich. “We will launch an investigation.” Somebody spraypaints the word cockhair on the wall of the elementary school. “The Superintendent of Schools is expected to launch an investigation.” It is retarded, and you are retarded. Stop being retarded.

Do you know why I leverage the word retarded so often as to itself be considered an overuse of the word? I use it because it applies to so much - I cannot avoid it. When the state of being retarded stops being so damn prevalent, then my utterance of this scathing adjective will decrease concordantly. I am digressing.

The word leverage is also used too much. Spend a few months in the corporate world and you will see it for yourself. That’s all I really have to say on the subject.

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