I have a weird habit of holding off on big changes for way too long. I’ll find something in my life I’m not happy with, and then tell myself I’ll change it soon, once I’ve done this and this and this and this. Time passes, I slowly get more miserable, the reasons to make the change build up, until finally, I hit the breaking point. Seemingly out of nowhere, the change gets made, and everyone is surprised.
For example, I quit my job last week.
Well, okay, maybe you’re not so surprised about that one.
When I made the switch to part-time status at my day job this year, I made a vague prediction that my job would start depressing me even more than it already was, even though I would only be spending three days out of the week doing it. Fast forward a couple months, and you see me spending an evening thinking about killing myself. Whoops! Understatement much?
It’s no great secret that I never liked working where I worked. For a while, I thought it was because of how dull and uninteresting the job was, but it wasn’t until after I read two posts by Amy Hoy and 37 Signals on the power of process over passion that I realized why the rate at which corporate America digested my mental health increased so quickly this year.
In spending two days each week working for myself, I quickly discovered a routine that works best for me: Get up and work. Work without distractions. Work without interruptions. Work without disrespectful management. Yes, work on something I love, but even if I’m doing something I don’t much care for that day (phone calls, paperwork, er, blog posts sometimes kinda), as long as I’m in an environment where I’m respected and allowed copious independence, I can buckle down to do something tedious and still get it done quickly.
At least I think so. Took me a while to get rolling on this post today.
It’s a long road ahead. This is a big transition for me, and there are going to be issues to work out. My sleep schedule has gone completely out of whack, partially from leaving the job and partially from upping my Celexa dosage. I’ll oscillate between two hours of sleep one night to 16 hours the next. Sleep has always been a hairy subject for me.
I’m going stir crazy at home. I think I need to move to a town with lots of good places within walking distance to work away from the house. I need to be around more people. Working by myself gets lonely fast, even for someone as introverted as me.
I haven’t lifted in over a month. My guns look plushy and depressed.
I’m not productive right now, but I’m excited about the possibilities. I just need to find my routine again. This has been a weird year, and it’s just going to get weirder. It’s going to take a lot of willpower to get comfortable with this new way of life I’m diving into, and I need to do so quickly. I don’t exactly have all the time in the world. I need to bring in those Benjamins, y’all.